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How can there be happiness while suffering exists? 

Can I look out into the mountains and the fields and the stars in the sky and the sun burning warmth on this earth and be happy when at that very same moment people are being shot or stabbed for the color of their skin or the clothes on their bodies, women are being beaten and raped while men mourn life at the edge of suicide, and children are deprived of nourishment and growth? 

And this isn't a distant 3rd world country, some land that exists in heresy and folklore, but this is here in my own backyard, in America.

The happiness I feel now, then, is one of ignorance.

It's a happiness I nourish when I shut my mind, willingly or unconsciously, to these realities.

It's a happiness I maintain while I stare straight ahead, eyes glazed over so as to not see the homeless man thrashing with obvious dementia in the piss-filled street of San Francisco as I make my way to the bar where I'll spend $13 per cocktail not including tip. 

It's a happiness that grows as I adjust my scope of pain to include only the mundane and immediate-- office drama and career ambitions, social faux pas and gossip.

It's a happiness that exists when I exempt myself from responsibility.

In my college years, I concluded that there could not be true happiness and that my best bet in life would be to do good in an attempt to get as close to happiness as possible. 

These days, my life philosophy is not so dark. Rather than brooding on suffering, I think it's important to be mindful that suffering exists, yes, but so does goodness, and the two do not exist in a zero-sum game. 

On a pure level, all I want to do all day is play in the wild, bare feet warm from the grass and the dirt beneath them.

And yet what fun is playing when your brothers and sisters suffer and toil?

I wonder how I can best balance doing good with my own wants. 

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One step I've taken has been in my career-- I work in non-profit education, in hopes that my every day can improve the every day of others. 

The second step I've been experimenting with has been donation. Reading through the literature on Effective Altruism and of organizations like Giving What We Can and 80,000 Hours, I've been working on developing my own philosophy for how to donate.

While I find Effective Altruism to be too extreme for my taste (it essentially advocates for only giving to 'high efficacy' causes, e.g. malaria treatment and global poverty), it has been a good guide for me evaluate my own values for giving and to have a broader understanding of donation impact.

A summary of thoughts (under constant re-evaluation) follows:

• There are three types of causes (local, national, and global) under three categories (immediate, mid-term, and long-term) to give to.
• All well-organized causes are important and worthy, but some provide higher long-term impact and some impact more people than others.
  • Research charities/organizations before donating. Some are well-intentioned but poorly run and others are straight up dishonest scams meant to embezzle money through public donation.
  • Charity Navigator and GiveWell are two non-profits which analyze budgets, expenses and efficacy of organizations to help you find worthy recipients.
• From a purely logical point of view, it'd be best to invest in long-term goals, but it's also important to consider one's humanity. Give to things you feel good about giving to, which you are connected to, and which you continue to feel excited about.
  • My day-to-day work supports local, immediate needs for education, so my donation goal is to give primarily to national and global causes, focusing on mid-term and long-term goals.
• Giving is an act that can be trained and improved over time. Though it sounds counterintuitive, giving can be uncomfortable at times, but as with all things, the payoff comes through the discomfort.
  • The more 'value' (money, property, status) we collect, the less willing we become to let go. Conversely, the more you give, the easier it becomes to part with things.
  • When giving, you worry about how much to give and how it impacts your financial situation. You find excuses to not give. But as you give, it becomes natural. It is surprisingly easy and surprising how little you need. 
  • In recent months, I'm also pushing myself to donate more for political change. My thoughts have been that it is far more effective to vote in politicians who can, for example, create policy to increase education budgets for all schools, rather than try to donate money to a school directly.
• Giving What We Can advocates for 10% of your income. Others more, others less.
  • My personal minimum this year is 5%. I hope to improve on this, to realize that money is only a small part of happiness and that the greatest value I have is the privileges and opportunities I've been given in life and continue to receive. 

If you have ideas for non-profits to support or questions on my philosophy, feel free to reach out.

I am learning.