Untitled 30 (April 2014)
The pilot's voice comes on over the speakers, and after a string of Japanese, he relays his message in English.
My flight, which was supposed to land at 10pm has been delayed. I'll be arriving at 11pm instead.
Before we even take off, I already know I'm screwed.
But what can I do?
I'm broke and homeless.
I close my eyes and nap in my seat as the plane makes its way to Osaka.
---
I had originally planned to stay with a friend.
He lives in the far north-west end of the city, and the airport is in the south-east end. I would land at 10pm, get on the subway by 10:30, ride the train for about an hour, and then walk a few minutes from the station to his apartment. I had written all the directions on a piece of paper. With the trains ending just after midnight, I would be cutting it close but would have been fine since I don't have any checked luggage-- just a small backpack.
But now, with the flight delayed til 11, there is no way I will make it. The train will end before I get to my destination and I'll be abandoned at some stop halfway between here and there.
And yet, there aren’t many other options. I can't afford a hotel or cab. My bank account is in the triple digits, and I've still got 2 weeks left before I make it to America.
So I guess I'll try anyway and see what happens.
---
Things have ended exactly as I expected.
The train lights brighten to wake the sleepy passengers and a voice comes on over the loudspeaker. The few people on the train, all businessmen in suits, get up and exit.
I've only made it 1/3 of the way to my destination. The oh-so-punctual and oh-so-unmerciful subway gods have spit me out at Tenjin Park Station.
I approach a subway attendant and hold up a piece of paper with my friend's address written on it. "Excuse me! Uhhh... I need to go here... bus? Bus?" I'm hoping there are late night buses that might be able to take me close to where I need to go.
The attendant shakes her head and holds her hands up in front of her face, making a giant X with her forearms-- the pan-Asia symbol for "NO". She tells me there are no more trains, and they will start again at 5am.
Great.
On the plus side, 5am is only four and a half hours from now.
Clipped to my backpack is a light sleeping bag. I decide I'll just curl up on a bench in the park, nap for a bit, and then catch the train in the morning.
But before that, I have to call my friend so he doesn't worry about me.
I make my way through the station towards one of the exits leading to the park. I notice a businessman 10 feet away from me, headed in the same direction.
I should ask to use his phone.
---
My greatest and worst asset is how harmless I look.
I am 5'1 and, at this time, weigh just about 100 pounds. Even though I'm in my mid-20's, my heart-shaped face combined with my small size make me look childish so people often think I'm a high school student. If I'm trespassing or breaking a rule, others generally assume the best of me-- either I belong there and they ignore me or I'm lost and they try to help me. Thanks to my unintimidating presence, it is easy for me to gain people's sympathy and support.
The downside is that at 5-foot-1, 100 pounds, I am actually completely harmless.
---
"Ah, konnichiwa... ummm... can I use your phone? To call my friend?" I point at him and mimic holding a phone up to my ear. I smile as I put on my Cute & Helpless persona.
He is the very image of a stereotypical Japanese businessman. In his 40's and rather portly, he is wearing a full black suit over a white button-up shirt and tie. He looks as harmless as I do, really.
"Ah, you want to call your friend?"
I'm surprised at his English.
"Yes!"
I explain that I just flew in from Korea to visit someone, but because my flight got delayed, I need to call him to tell him that I will come tomorrow morning. The businessman nods and hands over his phone without fuss.
I call my friend and fill him in on my situation. I tell him I'll sleep in the park and will catch the first train in the morning. He sounds concerned but doesn't dissuade me. He only cautions me to be careful, and says he'll see me in the morning.
I hand the phone back over to the businessman and we continue walking down the long station corridor towards the exit.
"Where are you going now?" he asks me.
"I'm going to sleep in the park until the morning!" I reply brightly, my persona still on. "And where are you going?"
"I'm going with you!"
Neither of us miss a beat in our steps as we continue towards the park, an arm's length from each other.
"Ah, is that so!"
---
Every woman, throughout the course of her life, becomes skilled in the arts of deflection and de-escalation. These are ways in which we subtly re-direct conversations and manage hostile situations.
We often use these techniques when confronted by a potentially dangerous male, typically when he is making unwanted advances. We change the subject, feign ignorance, manipulate emotions, distract our aggressor, laugh things off to bring down tension, etc.
It is important we master these arts to keep ourselves safe and to ensure that the potentially dangerous male does not end up doing something awful.
---
"So, did you just finish work?"
This is a perfectly normal question because we are having a perfectly normal conversation.
We have exited the station now and have not paused in our walk towards the park.
He tells me he's a businessman. He works in company X located in neighborhood Y. He often finishes work this late.
"Oh, I see. You must be very busy at your job then!"
Isn't that great, you're a responsible, contributing citizen of society with a respectable job!
A slight pause.
"Do you want to go to a hotel with me?"
A wide smile is immediately plastered to my face as I immediately understand his actual question. "Oh, no! No hotels for me. I will sleep at the park!"
"Are you sure?"
"Yes."
"Okay."
We cross the street lined with bright lights. It's so late out, but there are many cars coming and going.
"Do you have a family?"
"Ah, yes. I have a wife."
"Oh! And do you have any children?"
"Yes, a daughter. She is 4 years old."
"That's sweet! She must be so cute!"
How could you possibly disappoint such a pure and lovable little girl? In fact, you should go home to see her immediately!
"Yes... are you sure you don't want to go to a hotel?"
My lips pull back and up and the corner of my eyes crinkle. "Yes! I am sure. I will stay in the park."
"Are you really sure?"
"Yes. I am really sure."
We enter the park. It's beautiful. It's April now, and the cherry blossoms are in full bloom. The lights illuminate the pink and white petals, and the occasional lovey-dovey couple and rambunctious group of teenagers pass by.
I talk about my friend I will be seeing tomorrow and describe our plans.
"I'm excited to see him! He's a really good friend!"
Just like you, mister. You're a good person too!
We stop at some benches in plain view of the busy street.
"Are you sure you don't want to go to a hotel?"
"I am really sure. I will stay here."
"I can give you money."
"I'm okay. Really."
"You're really sure?"
"Yes. I am really sure."
He sighs.
"Goodbye."
"Goodbye!"
He turns and walks back out towards the road. I turn away.
Relief.
It's nearly 1am. Only 4 more hours until the trains start.
I step towards the benches.
I can make it.
"Abunai desu!"
---
Sometimes, life is incredibly mundane.
We wake up. Go to work. Have dinner, maybe alone, maybe with friends, maybe with lovers. Do some hobby, work out or watch TV. Sleep. Rinse and repeat. The days are unremarkable.
But sometimes, sometimes life throws us a curve ball.
The improbable occurs, and we wonder-- is this real life or am I living some kind of shitty, dumb fanfiction?
---
An average-looking man in his mid-to-late 30's runs up to me. His face is full of worry and he's speaking to me quickly in Japanese, but I don't understand any of it. The only word I can pick out in his sentences is "abunai"-- "dangerous".
"I'm sorry. I don't speak Japanese!"
He's taken slightly aback but tries his best. "You, where?"
I show him the address I'm supposed to go to, where my friend, "watashi no tomodachi" lives. I point at the subway, and then cross my forearms in an X-- it's no good right now. I point at the benches and mime out sleeping.
In our broken English-Japanese-Miming, he tells me he has a car and he can drive me to the address. It's not safe here.
He looks sincere. I'm touched by his kindness and feel sorry to have worried him so much.
But I can't get into a car with a stranger at 1am. What if he drives me somewhere else, somewhere more dangerous? Jumping out of a speeding car sounds like a terrible exit strategy.
I shake my head and apologize. I can't. I will stay here.
He tries again, but I am firm.
He's dejected. He tells me to be careful.
This time, a sincere smile. "Daijoubu desu!" I'll be okay.
He turns and leaves.
I sit down on the bench. I pull my knees up to my chest and wrap the sleeping bag around my body. It's a little chilly out.
I'm thankful for the cherry blossoms-- despite the hour, someone has passed by every five or ten minutes. Individuals, couples, groups of friends have all wandered by, admiring the flowers. I feel less nervous with them around.
I wonder briefly if I should've taken that man up on his offer, but I shake off the thought. There's no way I could have gotten into a car with him.
I hope I don't regret that decision.
---
I've put a lot of time and energy into climbing and fitness in general.
At this point, I've been climbing for just over 2 and half years, but in that time, I've trained really hard. I spent 9 months working only part time so that I could train full time. After that, I quit working completely and spent the past 8 months doing nothing but climb.
So really, I've become quite fit in the process!
But you know--
There was one Halloween I went out with some friends. We wandered the streets, merry and drunk. We bumped into a man-- he must have been 6-foot-2, if not taller. He drunkenly said hi to me, and I drunkenly said hi back.
He said we should party together.
I said I was partying with my friends.
He picked me up, threw me over his shoulder and ran a block down the street to another bar before setting me down.
I laughed, said goodbye and wandered back to my friends.
A harmless and silly Halloween night.
But you know-- after that day, I realized something.
No matter how fit I become, I am 5-foot-1 and easily overpowered.
---
A man rides his bike past me--
He's not the first person to go through the park on a bike.
--and circles back around and passes me a second time.
Oh boy.
He's the epitome of a recluse otaku-- a person obsessed with video games and anime. Long, unkept black hair. Pale, unhealthy complexion. 5'8, maybe 5'9. Really skinny.
I hope things don't get weird. I hope he just bikes along and gets out of here.
He doesn't.
He dismounts from his bike, leans it against the next bench over and sits down, a mere 5 feet away from me.
A minute passes.
Should I leave? Run?
Not a good idea. It might anger him and he might get aggressive. He's got a bike and can easily catch up to me if it comes down to it. He also probably knows this park way better than me.
Am I in danger?
Honestly, maybe not really. He's half a foot taller than me but definitely looks malnourished. I think if push comes to shove, I can go feral on him and take him down. Probably. Maybe. But I've never gotten into a fight before and I don't really want to try it.
So then what?
I play through the scenarios.
Scenario 1. He leaves and nothing weird happens.
Unlikely. He already circled the benches twice and has intentionally sat in the next bench over from me. He's obviously had a thought and it's probably weird.
Scenario 2. We continue to sit in silence and he has more time to think weird thoughts, make a plan around those weird thoughts and execute on said weird thoughts.
I don't like this at all. This guy looks fairly harmless, but also looks socially awkward, like he's never talked to a girl in his life. I don't know what kinda weird thoughts he has about girls but I don't want him thinking any of them.
So then what?
"Konnichiwa."
He looks surprised and turns to me. "Konnichiwa," he parrots back.
I choose Scenario 3-- I talk to him first, gain his trust, and through the power of friendship, persuade him not to do anything weird because friends don't do weird things to friends, right?
---
My main weapons in bad situations are Kindness and Guilt.
I don't have any fighting experience, have never learned any martial arts, and don't even like sports because they're too aggressive. I'm not particularly fast and definitely not agile. I'd most likely go down in one punch, to be quite frank, so getting into a fight is not really a good idea.
Instead I just try to act really nice towards people so that they are at ease and feel too guilty to do anything bad to me.
In retrospect, maybe I should switch weapons.
---
He asks me if I'm Japanese.
My persona comes back on. "Sumimasen. Nihonjin janai. Nihongo e wakarimasen." I'm sorry. I'm not Japanese. I don't speak Japanese.
He's taken aback slightly. He stands and moves to the bench directly to my left. Now the only thing that separates us is a single metal armrest.
Uncomfortable.
He pulls a cellphone out of the pocket of his black slacks. He's wearing an ill-fitting white button-up shirt. Given the late hour and the shabbiness of his professional clothes, I would guess that he's some kind of low-level office worker.
He types something on his phone and points the screen towards me. I look at it.
Ah, a translation app!
He doesn't speak any English, but by passing the phone back and forth between us, we are able to converse.
I relay my spiel about my travels, the delayed flight and my plans to sleep in the park.
He tells me he works the late shift at his office, so he always finishes work at this hour. He usually bikes another way home, but today he wanted to bike under the cherry blossoms.
Intrigued by our ability to converse by phone, I drop my guard.
And like this, 10 minutes go by.
And then I notice it.
He is sitting directly to my left. His right elbow is on the armrest. He types a message on his phone easily with one hand.
But I catch some motion in the corner of my eye.
It's his left arm.
It jerks awkwardly.
Once.
Twice.
I avert my eyes towards the phone in his right hand. I read the message. What does it even say?
My eyes inadvertently wander from the screen left. The button on his pants are undone. His left hand is in his pocket and it fumbles awkwardly in a steady rhythm.
Eyes widen. Breath catches.
All feelings of being calm, collected or capable have been kicked out of the airplane sans parachute and they're falling. They fall and they fall and they fall and they splatter against the asphalt and now they're dead. Absolutely, completely, unrecognizably dead, their parts scattered and smeared in the impact.
"I have to sleep. Now."
"Huh? You... sleep?"
"Yes. Now. Goodnight!"
I scoot as far right as I can on the bench and curl up into a ball, the sleeping bag pulled over my head.
Yes.
I am hiding under the blankets.
Like a 5 year old afraid of the monsters in her closet, I am holding my breath with my eyes shut tight. I have the sleeping bag wound around my body like some kind of Invisibility Cloak because you know if I can't see it then it can't see me and in fact it doesn't exist.
That's the way things work, right?
There's a moment of silence.
And then--
--fwap-fwap-fwap-fwap-fwap--
Oh my god is this real life--
--fwap-fwap-fwap-fwap--
Jesus does it have to sound like that--
--fwap-fwap-fwap---
Please just not on the sleeping bag--
--fwap-fwap-unngggghhh-ahhh--
Ohmygodnotonthesleepingbagnotonthesleepingbagnotonthesleepingbag--
Silence.
How much time has passed?
Ten minutes? Thirty seconds? Eternity?
I have no idea. I hold my breath and wait and wait and wait.
Silence.
I pull the sleeping bag down and peek out.
An empty park.
I immediately inspect my sleeping bag.
It's clean.
The bench next to me is not.
At least he had the decency to do it on his seat and not on the sleeping bag.
I guess.
I pack up my things and walk back to the train station.
I sit in a quiet, hidden corner not far from the entrance.
It's only 2am but I think I've had enough adventures for today.