June 2016
I think sometimes.
About ways to live. About lofty purposes. About end goals-- though I don't often think about the afterlife. I figure I'll deal with that issue when it comes.
Sometimes I get super aggressive about my goals-- I won't achieve them if I'm idly sitting by! Compared to others, I didn't have much to start with but in many ways that's okay because I've learned to work harder than most anyone else.
I'm proud of that determination but I also think-- what am I trying to do, to prove? There's this feeling of being inadequate for my ambitions.
Then I think-- instead of thinking of every day as a battle for personal improvement, I should just learn to accept and love, devote myself more to others. Channel my inner Buddha and reach Enlightenment.
Or is that just an excuse for weakness and sloth? In working to accept life and focusing on relationships and community, am I just giving up on my greater ambitions and settling for mediocrity?
That fire that burns so bright in humanity, which inspires art and writing and greatness, am I just letting it die out in myself in exchange for comfort?
These grand accomplishments give me personal satisfaction and purpose, but in the end, they are just words. Once upon a time, I climbed hard but today I'm not so strong; there's no proof this "once upon a time" existed. And accomplishments are selfish-- they're focused entirely on me and me alone. In contrast, friends and family are constant-- they grow as I love them more. Relationships feed into the community and have long-term impact.
When I think of it is an absolute of good-and-evil, should-and-should-not, it makes sense to work harder to develop my ability to love and create meaningful relationships. Calm down, focus on the community.
But struggling is fun. Climbing is fun. Selfishly being better than yesterday is fun.
So the cycle continues. I go back and forth, never very sure of what I should do.
This month I spent time focusing on friends.
Speaking of friends, I went to an outdoor shooting range for the first time!
I have really steady hands, so have quite good aim it turns out. But my low strength makes it hard for me to maintain accuracy-- my first two shots are really good, but the last two in the clip are awful as my arms tire from holding the gun and from trying to contain the recoil.
I'd never make it in a zombie invasion.
Spending time in Castle Rock, trying to improve my bouldering ability. Or not bouldering. Whatever.
My new theory is that rope climbing is bouldering between bolts, so if I improve my bouldering ability, I'll be able to rope climb better. I think it's valid logic, but it's hard for me to get super excited about bouldering. I am doing my best... with good company in tow!
Working on my Vietnamese wifery skills.
Just kidding, I totally didn't make these-- I just plated them and assembled things.
Plates of bánh bèo. Vietnamese rice cakes with dried, seasoned shrimp bits on top. One of my favorite Vietnamese foods that you unfortunately can almost never find in restaurants in the States!
Over a year ago, I went to Sugarloaf with friends.
At the time, I wasn't very good at trad climbing.
My friend led Pony Express and I toproped it.
At the time, it was hard for me, even on toprope.
This weekend I was able to lead it clean.
Satisfying.
I was also able to put down a few other projects I'd been eyeing at Lover's Leap. A satisfying weekend! Even if it's by just a little, I am better than before.
Though, there was an awful moment when my right calf seized up. It's been something of a problem recently. I have to spend more time doing recovery work and taking care of myself. My muscles are all out of balance. I must invest more in the future.
Every time I go climbing, I take a moment to silently send thanks to the climber saints who take the time to stack rocks and set up cairns to mark trails. They are really great people.
There's a special place in heaven for these folks.
Shuteye Ridge.
My first time out here but it was wonderful! I will definitely be back out here again!
The only issue is access-- 90% of the road is doable in a Prius, but 10% of it is absolutely impossible! I went in a friend's Forester, so was able to make it through pretty easily. But yes, it is absolutely essential to have 4WD and high clearance! Sorry Little Prius that Did-- you can make it through a lot of things, but not this.
The rock out here was absolutely wild.
The variations in the wall were amazing-- within the same route, you could be pulling crimps, smearing on friction, jug-hauling on entire sections of patina flakes-- which a friend of mine described as alligator skin! I'd never climbed on anything like this before, and loved every minute of it.
There was tons of amazing sport climbing.
My first love, sport climbing-- which unfortunately the Bay Area lacks significant amounts of (within reasonable driving distance)!
I love trad climbing, and am working on my bouldering, but sport climbing will always be first in my heart. Ahhhh satisfying.
Graffiti in SF. Yes. Always.
The amount I love bruschetta is high.
And also cheese.
B Street & Vine in San Mateo. San Mateo wasn't a cool or hip city when I lived there, and it still isn't today, but the food was and still is fantastic!
Finding magic in the mundane.